4 Psychological Tools to Train Your Brain to Wait, Focus, and Win
Why You Know What to Do, But Still Don’t Do It
Suppose a child is sitting at a table, and in front is a marshmallow. He is told that wait here for 15 minutes, and you can have another one. Eat it right away, and that's all. One marshmallow, no seconds.
The ones who held out longer ended up with more grades, Healthier body weight, and overall Better academic performance.
This is the Marshmallow Test, a famous psychological experiment.
But you're not five anymore, and your marshmallows have grown up too. They may look like financial freedom, getting the book out there, completing your damn side hustle.
Here's how to make it suck less.
1. Make the Future Feel Real, Not Distant
Generally, our mind thinks like this: the farther away something is, the less it is worth. That's called delay discounting. That's why cake now trumps abs later. Your mind thinks the cake is real and the abs are a future possibility.
It’s like a shady pawn shop guy offering you ten bucks for something you could sell online for a hundred.… if you had the patience.
Right now tends to win, Netflix exists. Instant. Play. And the side project, you'll start that tomorrow, all right?
The future looks like a rumor. It is something your calendar talks about but never delivers.
Make the future real. Use pictures. Charts. Mood boards. Solid, unyielding facts. Whatever will make your future less of an intangible concept and more of a presence hanging over your shoulder.
2. Develop Habits That Reflect Your Values
We all attempt to learn habits the same way we all attempt to initiate a gym routine: by forcing it. That lasts around a week. Possibly two, if you're particularly stubborn.
The habits that last are the ones that match what truly matters to you.
According to Self Determination Theory, you’re more likely to stick with something when three basic needs are met:
Autonomy – you choose it yourself.
Competence – you feel good at it or are improving.
Connection – it gives meaning or links to others.
What works is doing stuff that lines up with your values, the things that matter to you, even when no one’s looking. If journaling helps clear your head, that’s your thing. If cooking dinner makes you feel less like a gremlin, great.
Don’t borrow other people’s habits just because they look nice on Instagram.
3. Plan for You Who Cannot Be Trusted
There's a you, Sunday You, who plans big things. Sunday you are the you who believes in morning routines, green smoothies.
And then there's Tuesday. Tuesday you eat ice cream straight from the tub and "accidentally" binge watch seven episodes of whatever.
This is the Hot Cold Empathy Gap. The notion that we're awful at predicting what we'll do when emotions, hunger, stress, or hormones are introduced.+
When you're in a calm state ("cold"), you can't fully imagine how hard things will feel in a "hot" state (like when you're upset, hungry, etc.)
We overestimate our future self-control (we think we’ll “handle it”). Until we actually encounter them.
We forget what we do under stress. And then your life plan is "screw it, I deserve this."
Use These Strategies To Make Plans:
Pre commit
Decide on your action before things get hard.
Example: If I feel stressed, I will take a short walk and do the easy task first.
Make “If Then” Plans
Create small rules for yourself.
Example:
If I want to check TikTok while studying, then I will play music and use a 10 minute timer.
Do Hard Things First
Use your best energy for important tasks. Do mentally exhausting work in your prime time, before you get tired
4. Guard the Brain That Guards Your Objectives
The prefrontal cortex, part of your brain that helps you make decisions and stay in control.
It helps you do things like say no to another drink, focus on your work, or stop scrolling late at night.
But it wears out. At the end of a long day, you're more apt to order fast food, forego the exercise, and purchase things you don't need.
It comes with a budget. You use it for everything, choosing what to wear, scrolling, responding to emails, and faking that you care in meetings.
If you’re surrounded by temptations, it’s harder to stay focused or stick to good habits.
That’s why you need to build systems instead of relying on inner monologues. Basically, don’t expect to be tired at 9 pm to make smart choices. Set things up so they don’t have to.
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