How Your Mind Sabotages You Without Realizing It - And How to Fight Back
And What You Can Do About It Right Now
Do you always catch yourself making the same dumb mistakes? Yeah, me too. It’s like our brains are working against us sometimes.
I remember this one time I was at a party, standing in the corner, drink in hand, watching everyone else have fun. My mind kept telling me, “They don’t want to talk to you. You’re boring.” So I just… stood there. All night. Miserable.
Sound familiar?
Your mind isn’t always your friend. It’s got its own agenda, and sometimes that agenda is keeping you “safe” by holding you back.
I’m gonna show you how your brain sabotages you and what you can do about it.
1. Denial: The “This isn’t happening” trap
You know that feeling when you get some bad news and your first thought is “Nope, not dealing with this”? That’s called denial.
Don E. Hammer, the guy who inspired this whole train of thought for me, talks about a mom who couldn’t accept her kid’s brain damage diagnosis. She kept saying the kid was just “developing slowly.”
Sounds extreme, right? But we all do this s**t.
Ignoring a growing pile of bills
Pretending that cough isn’t getting worse
Avoiding looking at your bank balance
Why we do it: It’s a short-term painkiller. Reality sucks sometimes, and denial numbs it.
How to fight back:
Notice when you’re avoiding something.
Ask yourself: “What am I afraid of here?”
Face the facts, even if they suck. It’s the first step to actually solving the problem.
2. Rationalization: The “It’s not my fault” game
This one’s my personal favorite. It’s when your brain comes up with “logical” reasons for why you screwed up or why something isn’t your fault.
“I didn’t get the job because they probably wanted someone younger.” “I’m not out of shape, I’m just big-boned.” “I would’ve aced that test if they hadn’t asked about that one topic I didn’t study.”
Sound familiar? Yeah, I thought so.
Why we do it: It protects our ego. Admitting we messed up or that we’re not perfect? That s**t hurts.
How to fight back:
Get honest with yourself. Like, brutally honest.
Ask: “What part of this situation can I actually control?”
Focus on what you can do better next time, not on making excuses.
3. Compensation: The “Look how awesome I am at this other thing!” trick
This is when you go hard on one area of your life to make up for feeling inadequate in another.
Maybe you suck at sports, so you become a math whiz. Or you’re not great with people, so you throw yourself into your work.
It’s not always bad, but it can be a way of avoiding your real issues.
Why we do it: It feels good to be good at something, especially when we feel like we’re falling short elsewhere.
How to fight back:
Recognize your strengths, but don’t use them as a shield.
Face your weaknesses head-on. What are you avoiding?
Work on balance. Life isn’t just about being great at one thing.
These defense mechanisms aren’t always bad. Sometimes they help us cope with tough s**t. The problem is when they keep us stuck.
I had to learn this the hard way. In my first year of college, I was the “smart kid” who suddenly wasn’t the smartest anymore. My grades started tanking, and my mind went into overdrive:
Denial: “These professors just don’t know how to grade properly.”
Rationalization: “I’m too busy with other important stuff to study.”
Compensation: “Well, at least I’m killing it in my extracurriculars!”
It took me a while to realize I was sabotaging myself.
So here’s what I want you to do:
Pay attention to your thoughts. Catch yourself when you’re in denial, making excuses, or overcompensating.
Ask yourself the hard questions. What are you avoiding? What are you afraid of?
Be kind to yourself. This s**t is hard. You’re not weak for having these thoughts; you’re human.
Take small actions. Face one thing you’ve been avoiding. Make one small change.
Talk to someone. A friend, a therapist, whoever. Sometimes we need an outside perspective to see our own bu***hit.
Your mind isn’t the enemy. It’s just trying to protect you in ways that don’t always work. Your job is to catch it in the act and steer it in a better direction.
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